One Never Leaves High School

Hannah Farchione

Mothers are ditching their everyday relaxed, dressed down clothing for something else. More and more you will see soccer moms picking up their children in heels and dresses. In response, there has been some negative backlash. Mothers who have started to take initiative on how they look are being shunned and snickered about. The effects on how just a pair of boots can make on one’s view of a peer can be surprising. It is known that girls are very critical of each other and clearly it does not stop at adolescence. Grown women with children are childishly talking about and making fun of women based on how the dress.

How does this affect the mothers who dress up psychologically? In an article written by Cynthia Renynolds, a working mother, Arlene Worsley, was interviewed on how she dressed. “‘They didn't want to talk to me at all. I quickly learned that what I wore made a difference,’…’So I went to Old Navy and bought khaki cargo pants, a hoodie and some flip-flops.’… Eventually she gave up. ‘The schoolyard is definitely a battleground,’ she declares.” She claimed to have started dressing nicely, but when out-casted by the teachers and the other moms, she went to a local store for a sweatshirt and flip-flops.

Another mother in Renyold’s article was quoted to say that she too felt uncomfortable dressing up in front of the other mothers. “”I just didn't want people staring at me because of my shoes.’ Wearing flats, however, is as far as she'll go. ‘I don't like fashion--I love it. And I think if you give up what you love, then you're incomplete.’”

What did this mean? It means that the abuse inflicted upon this woman for the sole fact that she wore nice clothing was enough to get her to change back. What makes it worse is that these mother’s love fashion. It is a part of who they are. As quoted they feel “incomplete”. So in essence these mothers are giving up something apart of them due to the sole fact that some mothers are so petty and immature that they cannot stand being around someone with different ways of dressing.

What does this say about the other mothers though? Is it their self-esteem that is the problem? Do they feel threatened by a mother who looks nicely and takes the time to put herself together? Do they feel jealousy because they don’t look as nice? Either way the psychological motives all has the same result: negative actions and less respect towards the mothers who look put together. As a result these mothers who look nice are changing back to fit in more like the other moms. Blending in wearing sweats and t-shirts all for the sake of not being made fun of.

According to a psychologist quoted in Renynolds’ article, the way a teacher feels about a parent will affect the parent-student relationship. The idea is that hip clothing will create a negative image of the parent and thus affect the relationship between the student and teacher. A woman in Renynolds’ article felt as if when she was in more causal clothes the teacher was warmer and more welcoming to her. However, when she put on her heels, she felt that the teacher was colder to her.

According to the article, some teachers also wonder if the parent cares more about their looks over their child. “A Toronto teacher, who wants to remain anonymous to avoid hurt feelings, says, ‘You try not to judge. Still you can't help wonder if they care more for their looks than their child.’” This perception is present across social class as well. In their article “Labor of Love,” Edin and Kefalas discuss how poor mothers feel about spending money on oneself. Poor mothers cannot afford to spend money on themselves, and they look down upon women who can.

In response to the idea that mothers should not think of themselves and should always put their children first, Catherine Connors has another idea. She is quoted as saying in her article “In Defense of a Selfish Parent”, “…That this makes me, in my own opinion, a better parent is convenient for me, but it is not the primary consideration. The primary consideration is my own happiness. Full-borne selflessness would make me unhappy, and I don’t want to be unhappy. Full stop. Which is not to say that I would pursue my own happiness if its pursuit were in any way harmful or detrimental to my children; the pursuit of my own happiness… does not and will not come at the cost of my children’s reasonable happiness.” Thus, just because a mother thinks of herself first sometimes, does not make her a bad mother. In fact, a mother thinking about herself and taking care of herself in turn makes her a better mother.

So basically, there is truth that mothers should indeed take care of themselves. For whom could reach their full potential as a mother when they have not taken care of themselves first on occasion?

So, where does this put the mothers? In sweats with the teachers approval? Or in heels with snickering occurring behind their backs? The choices are clear, but the answer is not. And whether or not we realize it, nobody ever leaves high school… 

Sources:

Catherine Connors, “In Defense of the Selfish Parent”

Cynthia Reynolds, “Stilettos in the Schoolyard”, Maclean’s 0024962, Vol. 124, Issue 36.

Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas, “Labor of Love”